I haven’t been meditating lately, or practicing any breathing techniques. I haven’t been very mindful of my emotions or thoughts, or how I manifest these emotions. I have been taking my thyroid meds, but not necessarily all the vitamins I need, and while I eat as well as I can, I’m still eating far more gluten, refined sugar, and processed food-like stuffs than is ideal. And all this neglect is taking a toll. My emotions flare up in angry, frustrated spikes, and I find myself clenching my teeth and digging my nails into my palms. Lover tries to point out that I have control over my state of mind, that frustrating things may happen to me and emotions may get triggered, but I ultimately have control over how I manifest my reactions; I haven’t been listening to him very well.

This morning I decided to be more conscious. My newest frustration is something a friend said the last time we hung out, something I felt was ignorant and judgmental. But instead of letting the comment and the emotions it inspired rule my morning, I picked up my knitting and put on my Best Of Enya album. The tag line at the top of my blog, “Learning to love through creation” kept rolling through my mind, like a mantra of peace and calm. Every time I felt a surge of emotion, I met it with a deep, centering breath. I said to each little rebellious thought, “I acknowledge you, but I cannot harbor this negative energy.” And I’m pleased to say it’s helping. The repetitive motions of knitting provide an outlet for excess emotional energy, leaving my mind free to consider it’s contents more rationally.

The mitered squares are still coming along, and I’ve started making one in a mystery brown acrylic I’ve had forever. It feels good to be making something with these yarns that have sat unloved for so long, even if I’m unsure of the end result. The logical end would be a scrap acrylic mitered square blanket or throw. I guess I’ll see how many squares I end up with. I also have a new ball of lavender yarn for a gift project, and I’m just itching to get started. It’s 100% polyester, so it won’t be the nicest yarn to work with, but it came from the 99 cent store, it’s the perfect color, and it’ll be hard wearing which is what I want.

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